Sons of My Heart: Celebrating Love and Loss
October 1, 2024
Today is National Sons Appreciation Day, a day when many parents pause to celebrate their sons with photos, words of pride, and cherished memories. Social media will be full of love today, each post a reflection of the joy their sons bring. This post looks a little different than most. Today, I take a separate moment to honor the sons I carry only in my heart.
At first, I planned to speak just about Orion. But guilt crept in for not acknowledging my other boys, Finnegan and Rowan. I’ve never shared an “appreciation” post like this before. But as I continue to walk this path of grief, healing, and raising awareness for miscarriage and infant loss, I’ve learned that their stories deserve to be told. I will continue to say their names because they were here. My body carried each one, even though my arms couldn’t hold them for long. And they were loved, so very deeply loved.
It’s been almost five years since we lost Finnegan Lee, four years for our early loss, Rowan Sean, and nearly two months since we said goodbye to Orion Kai. Time feels strange, moving too fast and yet, standing painfully still. Grief is always here, lingering. Each loss has broken me in a different way. Each grief is different, and so is the healing. I am not who I used to be; losing them has changed me. This is part of who I am now. Grief does that, it transforms you, sometimes gently, sometimes all at once.
Today, I share the sons I hold in my heart. When you ask about our boys, it's not a painful reminder. Instead, it's a gift. It's a chance for us to speak their names, share their stories, and remember the joy they brought, no matter how brief.
Speaking their names allows us to keep their memory alive in a world that sometimes feels all too quiet.
As I sit here with my grief, I often think of Mary, the Mother of Jesus, and the immense sorrow she must have felt losing her son. Her pain feels familiar, reminding me that even in the deepest sorrow, love is powerful. Just as she cradled her son in her heart, I hold onto the memories of mine. I treasure those memories like the most delicate, precious parts of my soul.
To all the mothers who have lost sons, I see you. I invite you to share their names, to share the memories you keep tucked safely in your heart.
I'm holding a sacred space in my heart for you as we remember and honor them together.
In the depths of my sorrow, I hold on to the hope that my sons are wrapped in God's love, their spirits forever intertwined with mine. The love that connects us shines brighter than any grief, reminding me that love endures beyond loss. As A.A. Milne once wrote: "Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on top of the forest, a little boy and his bear will always be playing."
Forever remembering Finnegan Lee, Rowan Sean, and Orion Kai.
This is Love. This is Healing. This is Grief.
